When zombies attack, where and who do you turn to?

The bus ride had been long, but we'd gotten there; the city was a brilliant array of colors and life. The hotel we were staying in was wonderful, the rooms big and well furnished. The only problems we could see were that some of the doors didn't want to stay shut. Not a problem in our eyes...we had nothing to hide from. There were other college kids there, not sure why, but it was good news to us. There would be other people our age to meet up with, hang out. We were going to be there for a week, might as well make the most of it. I suppose none of us could have forseen what was going to happen.

First of all, never steal a car. It's a bad deal, and a really dumb idea. I personally did not steal the car, but the person I was with did. And so we wandered about for hours with this stupid car, hiding from the police and hoping we didn't get caught. Actually, I didn't care. I didn't do anything. I was going to claim kidnapping if we did get caught. Which, I suppose in a way, was close to the truth. I didn't want to be there with him at all. After awhile, the police left us alone, which I thought was odd. This wasn't Grand Theft Auto, they didn't just stop because they got tired of it, or because they forgot. I told him I wanted to go back, that this was dumb. He didn't seem to disagree, so we went back. I think it was that few hours that saved us. Well, saved me anyway. He didn't stand a chance.

When we got back...everything was chaos. People were running, screaming. Blood soaked the streets, bodies lie strewn all over the sidewalk, some whole, some not. I was confused. What happened? I looked at my 'friend'. He didn't seem to have an answer either. We got out of the car; the hotel was right across the street. I started for it when I felt a hand grab my arm. I screamed, and turned to see who it was. I didn't recognize them, and at first I thought they were going to hurt me, until they spoke. "You need to get off the streets NOW. They're here. It's actually happened." I was confused.
          "Who's actually here? I don't...." I trailed off, and looked around. 'They'. I knew who they were. I couldn't believe it though. "Zombies? Are you telling me there are real zombies around here?" The person nodded.
           "Yes, and you HAVE to get off the street. These zombies...they're smart. Not super intelligent, not like normal humans, but they are definitely smarter than any we've read about it. They can speak." My mind was trying to wrap itself around that information. I turned to go for the hotel we were staying in. "You don't have time!" I jerked my arm away from the person, feeling bad for it but trying to get my point across.
       "My friends are in there! I have to try." I ran across the street; it seemed all clear, and I ran inside. The lobby was a mess. Blood was everywhere, chairs were overturned, paintings ripped from the walls. My heart was racing. The elevators looked like they were still working, so I got on one. Stupid idea, but the fastest, and I thought it safer than the stairway. I heard my friend from earlier running in after me.
        "Hey! Wait!" The elevators slipped shut. I refused to be around that guy any longer. I got upstairs to our rooms, which still appeared to be in fairly good order. I was welcomed with a gun to the face.
        "WHOA! It's me!" I looked at who was behind the gun. I didn't know him, but I recognized people in the room behind him. "Kayla! Tell him to put that thing down."
        "It's okay, you can put the gun down." Hearing that come out of Kayla's mouth was weird. I looked around the room. I maybe recognized five of the people there...the rest were strangers. Where was everyone else? Noticing the questioning look on my face, Kayla answered before I even asked. "We don't know where they are. We were all out shopping when this...whatever it is...hit. We all just scattered. I'm not even sure some of the people know what's going on." By luck, it seemed, I had managed to get to my own room. There sat my purse, and my camera...I thought about taking some sort of footage, just in case we all survived. Or, even if we didn't. Someone needed to see it. I heard a scream, and looked out the window. The 'friend'  I was with earlier was in the street. Apparently I should have waited for him on the elevator. A zombie had him by the arm and was dragging him, which I thought was odd...why wasn't it just eating him? He kept yelling, begging for him to please let go. Like the zombie was going to understand. What I didn't get is why it was dragging him like that. Then it stopped. It stood in the middle of the street, one disgusting hand holding onto its prize, the other barely attached at the shoulder and hanging there. It stood quietly for a moment, and the only sound you could hear were the guy's screams. Finally, it let out a moan; quiet at first, but then louder and louder. It was like it was calling to its brethren. I looked at the guy standing next to me.
         "This isn't good, is it?" He shook his head.
         "Not in the least." I looked around the room at all the terrified people, just standing there..the doors hanging wide open, the windows as well. This was bad.
         "We need to get these doors shut, the windows down, and the blinds pulled. If we do that, there's less of a chance that we're going to attract attention." My new friend nodded his head.
         "You're right." He clapped his hands suddenly, scaring everyone in the room and getting their attention. "We need to make this room a little more stable. Come on guys, let's do it."

And so that's what we did. The doors wouldn't shut all the way, so we had to tie them. In the midst of us shutting the windows, a crowd of people swarmed by, attempting to get in and run away. I saw Carl try to pull himself through the window, but before he could, he slipped and was carried off. Shannon...she almost made it. She was holding onto the window with all her strength, and the look on her face was probably the thing that scared me the most. She lost her grip, and the last thing I saw was her David Bowie shirt, and then she was gone. All of my friends...I didn't even want to think about it. We closed all the windows, locked them, and pulled the blinds. I felt a hand brush my own, then take it. I looked over at the guy who had been standing next to me earlier. He smiled, and although he was just as scared as I was, it made me feel better. If we made it out of this alive, he wasn't going anywhere. That thought alone was one to keep me going. The sounds outside stopped eventually. I cautiously raised one of the blinds and looked out. The streets were empty..well...somewhat. There was nothing alive or undead out there right now. It was almost too quiet. The guys in the room decided it was time to head across the street; that hotel seemed a bit more secure, and they wanted to check it out. My guy, who I didn't even know his name, was one of them. I shook my head.
       "No. You can't go. It's stupid. We're fine right here where we are." He smiled again.
       "No, we're not, and you know it. I'm going to go over there and make sure it's safe, then I'm going to come back for you. I promise." I almost had to laugh. I had met this guy a mere hour and a half ago, and we're already making promises? But really, in a situation like this, I suppose anything is possible. I nodded.
       "Fine, but if you don't come back, I'm going to be very angry with you." He laughed, a strange sound in the midst of all that was happening.
       "You're a fire cracker, that's for sure. And anyway, I have to come back. I can't die not knowing anything about you." He smiled again and walked out the door. I looked out the window thinking how stupid, cliche, and movie like all of this was.

Everyone made it over to the hotel. I heard a few gun shots, some yelling, and then someone leaned out one of the upper story windows, signalling the all clear. I saw my guy run back across the street, and at the same time, saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye. It was a zombie. My heart leaped into my throat. I ran out of the room, and I could hear people yelling after me. I didn't care. At this point, what did it matter? I ran down the stairs and outside. I had no idea where he'd gone. This had been a dumb idea. I was going to get myself killed for no reason whatsoever. I heard a noise, and pretty much knew it was probably my death walking towards me. Then it happened again.
              "Pssst!" I looked over. There was my guy, sitting on top of some boxes. "What are you doing?! Get over here!" I ran for the boxes,and he helped me up, then we climbed up on the roof of the building the boxes were next to. "I told you that I was coming back! Why did you run outside?" 
             "I saw you, and then I saw what was probably a zombie heading your way. What was I going to do?"
           "Oh, I don't know, stay inside? Unless you thought getting yourself killed was going to accomplish something." I shook my head. That hadn't been my plan at the start but looking back...well, it appeared to be exactly what I was doing. He put his arm around me and pulled me closer. "It's okay...I probably would have done the same thing. And..I suppose I should tell you, my name is Eli." I smiled.
          "Hannah." He grinned, and wiped away the tear that had slipped down my cheek.
          "Well, it's nice to meet you." 

And then I woke up. I fell back to sleep and continued the dream, but I'm way tired of writing right now. I'm pretty sure I'll remember it for awhile though, so I'll finish this later. lol 

I need a release from this, if all you're going to do is tease.

I realize that I'm a fool, but sometimes, I would like at least have a moment where I can say "I made the right choice! You guys are wrong, and I'm right! Whoo!" Honestly, I don't think the moment is ever going to happen. However, I have come to terms.

It just really feels like someone is stepping on my chest, standing there, laughing, and knowing that there's nothing I can do to get them to stop. It's this crushing weight, almost terrifying, that I just have to get used to. Thing is, I got it to go away last time. This time...I don't think it will be so easy. Actually, if we're being truthful here, it wasn't easy the last time. But this time it is guaranteed to be worse. I had come to terms that he was gone, with someone, with a family. And now..well, he's not now, and this is making it very difficult for me. In a way, I feel like we shouldn't even be friends. How is that helpful for me? It's not at all. Being friends just means he needs me. He's been hurt, and now he needs me. Just like the last time. Having him in my life is just another way for me to torture myself. I can't have what I want; should I just settle for what I might be able to have, if he doesn't decide to run away again? This is stupid. I feel like I'm in high school again. The stupid part of this, I haven't even heard his voice. I can't even imagine the huge amount of suck that would be involved if we had spoken. Which makes me think that if he does come back here (which I doubt he will) it would be a terrible idea for us to finally meet up, after all of the promises that we would were he to come back (which we probably will anyway because I have terrible self control when it comes to such things). Actually...he won't be HERE...he'll be THERE. Just closer. Close enough to see. Close enough to jump in a car and find him. Which I WILL NOT DO. No. Bad idea. Bad form.

The only way this is going to end well is if I can find the strength to be his friend, and nothing more. If I can find the person who I'm meant to be with, which I highly doubt is him...as much as I want it to be. All I really know is that he has to be in my life in some capacity. It's just finding the spot he needs to be in that will cause me the least amount of trouble/sadness/anger/etc. Actually, never anger. Even though I should be furious half the time, I've never been angry.

Anyway, this entry was meant to be something else entirely. I was really hoping I'd have something more creative than just me babbling on and on about something that probably won't even matter a month from now. This is like an entry from high school/freshman year of college, and I can't say that I like it much. However, it's me venting, so that no one else has to hear about it in person, and the person in question will never see this. Gah.

Alright, that's enough of me venting like a fifteen year old girl. I'll do better next time.

Soap opera, much? I'd say so.

So. Life. It's been crazy in the last year and a half. I kind of forgot I even had this thing, until someone brought it up on Facebook the other day. Actually, Facebook is probably what made me forget about this thing to start with. I guess it doesn't matter what made me forget; I have returned in all of my wonderous glory. Hopefully with better writing skills.

It's weird how a whole lot and nothing at all can happen. Honestly, it's like my life has changed drastically since the last time I updated, and yet not at all. Weird, right? I'm nearing the end of my third year in college, and was just informed I have two more to go. That's if I get everything done that I need to. Fantastic, huh? Just peachy. Uhm...I guess you could say my entire circle of friends has changed drastically...which is for the best, I'd say. I'll get into that later. Someone I adored immensely came into my life, left without a decent explanation or goodbye, then suddenly reappeared, almost a year later, which was enough to cause my heart to make residence in my throat. Also, I've finally decided upon a profession...now the only problem I have to overcome now is how I'm going to go about it. I suppose I shouldn't suck at writing first, and then go from there...haha.

First things first. My best friend moved away. By moving away, he really just went back to where he was from originally, and just never came back. It really broke my soul...he was the only one I could spend all of my time with and never get tired of him. We got along very well, probably because we're a lot alike, but have just enough not in common to make it work. Anyway, he left, and I had...well....no one, really. I mean, I have lots of friends, but no one like that. Until band this year. I met two of the  best friends I could ever ask for. If not for them...I really don't know. I'd be very lonely, that's for sure. They've been there for me through a lot, and put up with me when I'm being a douche, and listen when I need them to. Not to mention, they are quite possibly the funniest people I've met. No joke.

The boy in question...I don't really know. I don't want to go into huge detail, and I'm not even sure if the feeling was reciprocated. We didn't even talk long, but it was a connection that I rarely feel with people. He decided it would be best if we didn't talk as much, for reasons he told me and I understood, but it wasn't something I was particularly happy about. And then he disappeared. We talked for awhile through email, and he of course told me what was going on...again, I understood, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to hear those things. But I understood. What I didn't understand is why he didn't even give me a decent goodbye. Even as being just friends, I felt he could have done that much. Months went by and I heard nothing. Then, just a week and a half or so ago, he comes back into my life. It's like he never left. But...there is some difference. When it takes him awhile to answer me, I feel like he's just going to disappear again. I feel like I'm holding onto something that is so ghostlike, unreal. It's never going to work, I know that. I know (kind of) what happened, and I don't need in the middle of that. I really don't. But it is really difficult to let go of someone who actually treats you like you're a girl, not just another one of the guys, if even that. Someone who actually seems to care, who can see that you deserve something good, rather than just being used. This sounds sappy and cliche. Maybe it is. But for those girls out there who are mostly treated as I am, they will understand. It's a good feeling. The feeling of someone thinking you're pretty and fantastic just the way you are...it's an incredible high, and it's often a feeling one doesn't want to let go of. So, instead of running away, I'm embracing it. Why not? It can't be any worse than what I've been holding onto. Actually...it's probably better. At least this time, I'm kind of ready for a let down.

Job situation. Funny story, I don't have one right now. I quit the Barrel several months ago. I applied at Hot Topic yesterday...I probably won't get the job. Why? I have no idea. Just seems a trend that places that I SHOULD be hired at never seem to want to. But I really need a job, especially if my plan for this summer is to happen. Anyway, this is a moot point. What I'm getting at here is a long-term job. What my goal is for life, I suppose. I want to be a music journalist/photo journalist. I love music, I love to write, I love photography. Why not put all of those things together? I feel like it is something I would maybe even be good at, and it would be something I would love. Why go for a job I KNOW I'm going to be extremely unhappy with when I can try for something that throws together everything I love in this world? My point exactly. I just need guidance, I need someone to tell me I'm doing it right and that I'm going in the right direction. I have a feeling that I'm grasping at straws, and going in the completely wrong direction. Writing about it in a blog is not going to be too helpful, I suppose, but what are you gonna do? Not a whole lot, that's for sure. Right now, I guess, I need to concentrate on getting out of school...and finding somewhere that would need my talents. Which is probably no where around here. Actually, my thoughts have been straying towards Cincinnati or Columbus. I'm not sure yet. I'm not even sure why I'd go there...the music scene is pretty good from what I've heard, and AP magazine is located in, I believe, Columbus. Probably just kidding on that one. I know it's in Ohio, or it was anyway.

Wow. Anyway, I think that's about it for an update. I mean, not a whole lot has happened to be honest. I got a car. I turned 21. I went to Memphis, saw Graceland. Went to Warped Tour, and met a lot of awesome people. I'm now planning a trip to Philly to 1) see one of my best friends in the world and 2) to go to Warped Tour with her in Jersey. It's going to be epic. I've made some excellent new friends, other than the two mentioned here, and they are wonderful people. Two of those guys are quite fantastic. They are going to make some woman very happy one day. lol Anyway...I think that's it. I've not written this much in awhile. It was nice to do so. Maybe I'll do it more often, so I don't have to censor myself on here.

I hope everyone has had a good day/week/month/year, and continues to do so. I really will try to update more often. Much love, guys.

-hannah.

Wow. It has been like...a year and a half.

Okay, so I forgot I had this thing. And I would update with a lot more right now, except I have to get ready to go somewhere. However, as no one knows that I have this, I'll probably update a HUGE amount whenever I get the chance....I need to think, and the best way for me to do that is write. Especially since this one is kind of a secret. Awesome. :)

Anyway, I'll be back later today probably. I require a certain amount of thinking to myself time.

WARNING: Extreme vent ahead.